Bringing Calm to Chaos: How to Step Out of a Power Struggle
- Rebecca Connick
- Jun 16
- 2 min read
Updated: Jun 16
In our last post, we explored what a power struggle really is; how it begins, why it escalates, and how it often shifts the focus from the actual problem to a battle for control. The key takeaway? It’s up to us as parents to break the cycle.
Now that we understand what’s happening beneath the surface, let’s talk about how we can respond differently—how we can choose a calmer, more connected path forward in the heat of the moment.
Finding Your Calm Before You Respond
Before you can bring calm into a chaotic moment, you have to feel calm yourself. That means recognizing when your own nervous system is activated—when your heart rate speeds up, your voice gets sharp, or you feel the urge to control or retreat. In order to help your child regulate, you must first know how to use small strategies to send signals of safety to your own body—which, in turn, helps your child feel safe too. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and you can’t co-regulate with your child if you’re still caught in your own stress response.
Come in Low, Slow, and Calm
One of the most powerful ways to stop a power struggle before it starts is to show up in the exact opposite energy your child is bringing. If they’re yelling, crying, or escalating—you go low, slow, and calm.
At first, your child may push harder, trying to get the emotional reaction they’re expecting. But if you don’t give them that big reaction—if you stay steady and calm—they’ll begin to come down, too. It takes regulation on your part, and that isn’t always easy, especially when you’re exhausted, touched out, or managing a million other things. But the payoff is big: connection, safety, and often a much quicker return to peace.
Regulation First, Resolution Second
It’s tempting to try to talk through the situation with your child while everyone’s emotions are still high. But here’s the thing: logic doesn’t land when emotions are in the driver’s seat. Before you try to restate the boundary, offer a choice, or find a solution, you’ll want to wait until everyone is regulated. Only once you and your child are in a calmer state can you invite them into problem-solving with you, rather than against you.
Connection Over Correction
Power struggles are completely normal—but they don’t have to define your days. When you slow things down, meet your child’s chaos with calm, and save problem-solving until after reconnection, you’re not just avoiding conflict—you’re building trust. You’re showing your child that even in their most dysregulated state, you are a steady, safe place to land.
Parenting small children is no small task. Be gentle with yourself, and remember: every moment is a chance to try again. UPCOMING WEBINAR Interested in learning more effective strategies to decrease conflicts, and increase connection with your child through play? Register for our LIVE Webinar below!
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