When Boundaries Become Battles: Understanding Power Struggles

If you're parenting a small child, chances are you've found yourself in a power struggle more than once—maybe even today. These moments are intense, frustrating, and often leave both you and your child feeling disconnected and emotionally drained. So what exactly is a power struggle, and how can we gently steer our way around them?

What Is a Power Struggle?

A power struggle is that spiraling moment when both you and your child are emotionally heightened, and each of you is holding your ground more tightly than the moment probably calls for. It often starts small: a spilled cup of juice, a refusal to put on shoes, a simple “no” that turns into a full-blown standoff.

Here’s what’s really happening:

• Your child reacts strongly to a situation, often more strongly than seems necessary.

• Your own response becomes elevated either out of frustration, stress, or a natural desire to regain control.

• The focus shifts from the actual issue (like the spilled juice or the shoes) to a battle of wills.

• Now both of you are in it, not to solve a problem, but to win.
  

And once you're in a power struggle, it's hard to find your way out without feeling discouraged, defeated, or just plain exhausted.

The Goal Is Prevention, Not Reaction

Rather than trying to fix a power struggle once it’s in full swing, our real superpower as parents is learning to avoid getting pulled into one in the first place. This doesn’t mean being passive or giving in; it means staying grounded and emotionally regulated when your child can’t.

Young children naturally mirror the emotional energy of the adults around them. When your tone sharpens, theirs often does too. When your energy rises, so does theirs. This mirroring is part of their brain development and social-emotional growth. They're learning how to respond to the world by watching you.

So how do we interrupt the spiral before it becomes a game of tug-of-war that no one wins?

Your Role in Breaking the Cycle

Breaking the cycle of power struggles starts with us as parents. As the adult in the relationship, it’s our job to model regulation and bring calm into moments that feel anything but calm. It’s not always easy, but when our children are having a hard time, is our responsibility to reflect on what WE can change; in the environment, in our own expectations, and in the way we communicate.

In our next blog post, we’ll explore specific, practical ways you can step out of the power struggle and guide your child with confidence and connection. You’ve got this—and we’re here to support you every step of the way.

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